Dreams and Transparency

When I was a kid a few recurring nightmares that haunted me. When I think of it as an adult I recognize it as evil and am astonished of how weird it was in its detail. Do you know those movies where the main character has the same recurring dream and they wake up in a sweat generally at the same point in the dream? Well mine was the same way. On a side note I reference movies a lot. I think if my life were a movie it would be entertaining to say the least.

The first one I can recall is an image of skeleton bones, whiter than white. Or maybe they were so white when surrounded in darkness. The image would stare at me for as long as I would let it and then as if on queue the image would shake in appearance and I would come out of my nightmare in a jolted state of panic. Shaken exactly as the image shook in my dream.

The second was surrounded in darkness also, but this time it is more than one image. This time I am in my living room and the doorbell rings. My vision gravitates to the door and I somehow float in the same instance to open it. On the other side of the door is my scottish terrier dog (depicted as evil in one of my last posts). I stand there in this catatonic stance and she is not just a dog, but a floating head so large that it fills my view. But the scary thing is that her blood red eyes and fangs are creeping closer to me until I cannot hold its gaze and I wake up in a sweat.

I had another recurring nightmare but all I remember is that some sort of massive monster is terrorizing my city and I am running away from it, but it never ends well. I wake up and feel this deep sadness that everything is ruined, but it was just a dream.

Have you ever stopped to really think of how wild and amazing it is that we dream? What is a dream anyway? Websters defines it as a series of mental and emotional images. But we know it only when we can remember them, but why do we rarely remember them? Is there profound meaning in some dreams? Clearly my nightmares did not have meaning, but represented a scared little girl. And it is clear that to this day I still remember those few.

Next to dreams of flying and dreams of having the courage to win the cute guy over, most of them are a mystery. Dreams have the power to ignite an emotion that you did not have the day before. You know what I mean. You dream of that one person and you wake up missing them or feeling connected to them. Or you thought you were past a situation, and it replays in your dream and come to wake up you find yourself replaying old memories. Or you get really skilled and realize as you are dreaming that you are dreaming, and you tell those around you (in the dream) that it's only a dream. And you take off flying because that's what you always want to do in dreams. At least I did.

And think about how incredible it is that God gifted Joseph as a dream interpreter and was called among by a great King to show meaning. Our minds are this insanely brilliant machine that even when we are asleep, still keeps processing information and emotion. And in my case has been processing the same dream over and over, but this time it is not a nightmare, but the best dream I have ever had.

It's him, and I have waited for him for so long. It is my wedding day, and I am in white.

I look beautiful. I look really beautiful.

And everything is perfect. All of the preparation, waiting, perseverance, all make sense and God is there. It's God I have been dreaming of. My husband is my covering, the image bearer of the masculine heart of God.

Here is how I show transparency: I want to be a wife. It is the desire of my heart, and I will not bury it any more. Lord, captivate me forever and ground me in your love until you release me to the man you have for me. I pray that you are growing him as you would have him be and in the ways he wants to grow. I pray that you keep him safe and strong and unsettled in his life until he finds me. Just as everything you created was not good until you formed Eve, may it be the same for us.