Ridiculous Comparisons

The future can be a scary thing, with a skewed perspective. I think a lot about what my future might be. I look up to certain individuals and wonder if my fate will resemble theirs. I compare strengths and life stories and think I may fit somewhere in between shocking and covered in God's grace. I do that comparing thing a lot and tend to find myself feeling like I shouldn't. Last October I went to the Captivating women's retreat and had the chance to talk life with a wonderful older woman. Of course my problems outweighed hers and we came to the topic of marriage. I told her most of the responses I get to being single for so long are: "God will only bless me when I am content", or that "maybe I am called to be a Paul." I will never forget how she responded, even as simple as it was, it stunned me. She said we can't all be Pauls and I couldn't even begin to think that was my lot. That maybe, if I was called to be a Paul, I would already know it by now and have that alien gift of solitude.

Last night at choir rehearsal I shared my testimony. It was awesome. It was terrifying. Granted the room was no more than 30, I shook my way through 10 minutes of awkward chatter and staring at the ground. I laugh about it today and think maybe I was so nervous because I had this notion that since I look up to and compare myself to other speakers, that I am going to stand up there and be this incredibly gifted one as well. Ridiculous! Well needless to say, Glory be to God to take a life like mine and use it because speaking, as of now, is not my gift. Maybe I could be a writer? A counselor? Or a singer? Maybe a mom? Or maybe a missionary? Who knows. On to the next thing.

Which brings me to my next thought...

Africa.


:)