5. Holding Onto This One

There are few things that can change my mind. I tend to be a pretty strong willed individual (understatement) and actually grew up hating that about myself. I would tell myself I am too strong or too much and pretended to be the thing you would love. The older I've become the more I have learned to embrace the skin I'm in and beg God to mold what doesn't please him. But seriously, few things can change my mind. If I want to go shopping (rarely), I get what I want. I get out of the store in 2.5 minutes too. If I want a pizza, I'll get it. I will drive to Newport just for a Sprinkles cupcake. If you haven't had one, you should. So all of this sounds like self pleasing garbage, and I guess it is to an extent it is but the other half of it is a fierce determination to complete what I set my mind on. This has happened with school, singing, jobs, you name it. When I want something, I bang on Heaven's doors and ask God to move and I put so much of my strength in doing my part to make sure it happens. I realize in the process I may drive God a bit insane (refer to parents or past employers for confirmation) but the season of petition is one of closeness and learning.

None of this really had to do with anything other than the fact that somehow, someway, my mind was changed about something. Something I said I would never do.

I just got back from my college choir and orchestra command performance. Each year the school holds an alumni concert and invites old members to join in with all the repertoire we sang. When I was in the choir and orchestra (3 years) I could not wait to get out. Not that it was horrible, but that it got old. And I was too old. I was ready to move on and go on to the next thing. And while being done with school has been an incredible thing, somehow I ache to be back in the choir. I sat there and listened to the first half in awe at what the music tells of and that I was surrounded by not just incredible musicians, but incredible people. I was constantly challenged, musically, spiritually, personally and after a year away from it I realized I don't and likely will not ever have anything that quite compares to it. I said to myself I doubt I will ever miss this and this place is just not for me anymore but I was wrong, and I miss it. My mind has been changed and I feel as if I am not even the one responsible for the change.

I'm learning how important seasons are and learning to love even the ones that may not be my favorite, or the ones that scare me. I tell myself someday I will look back to the songs, to the music and remember the melody that spoke of greatness that lies in wait, for future revelation.

So here's to the music in your season, in every season, I'm holding onto this one.